My own Hero's Journey! GO RUCK.

Go Ruck. It’s hard to put into words what we all went through- even for me, Ms. Chatterbox. However, it IS easy to fit it into the Hero’s Journey chart and made a GREAT lesson plan for The Odyssey Unit at school. So…here it goes!

Call To Adventure~Invites the initiate into the adventure, offers the opportunity to face the unknown and gain something of physical or spiritual value

A few months ago my friend Sagi had asked me if I every wanted to do Go Ruck. I asked what it was and then responded “maybe.” A few months after that Katie said she was asked to do it and was considering it. At this point, I decided my answer was YES. I emailed Sagi and committed to doing it.

Refusal of the Call~Often when the call is given, the hero temporarily refuses to heed it.

After I committed to do this, I started regretting it. I began to worry it was too much money, or too close to my camping trip and would interfere with my Crossfit training too much.... worried about the end of the trimester with school and too much grading..…but I realized that this was THE time to do it because I WAS scared. So I paid my money and got the confirmation email.

Threshold~The “jumping off point” for the adventure

1am. Venice Beach Fishing Pier. Anton and Mike stuck around for a little while watching us get wet and miserable doing bear crawls in the ocean…but Mike left…then shortly afterwards so did Anton…then shit got real.

Challenges~Situations that put the initiate at risk, emotionally and physically, forcing him to change and grow. Strike the initiate’s greatest weakness, poorest skill, shakiest knowledge, most vulnerable emotions.

Katie and I were chosen to lead the group early on. I was scared shitless! They took us out of the line and I had NO idea why because we weren't in a routine OR working as a team just yet. While Katie was the one that really took charge and got into her awesome coach mode with organizing movement of the huge log, I still had responsibilities and had to get rid of fears and weaknesses to help Katie lead the group.

Revelation~A sudden, dramatic change in the way the initiate thinks or views life; an insight or discovery about himself or life

Once the sun came up and we were done with the log, I thought everything would get better....but....it got worse as I realized we had hours left to go... so I had to change my mindset to get through the journey ahead.

Abyss~The greatest challenge of the journey.

For me, this was the last few miles. Everything hurt. So much pain. I hated all the people looking at us on Venice Beach. Just when I thought we were almost done, the cadre made us run through the sand to the ocean. This is when I cried.

Transformation~A moment of death and rebirth, a part of the initiate dies so that a new part, the hero, can be born

Shortly after this moment and also feeling like I was going to drown in the ocean, the cadre yelled at us to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and keep our chins up…so I got it together and kept my chin up for the last mile.

Atonement~The hero is “at one’ with his new self and life; the changes caused by the journey are at an end, and the hero is content with who he has be come

I was damn proud to get that GO RUCK patch 12.5 hours later, even if it was just after I got done crying….

Return~The hero returns to the known and his everyday life with a boon bestowed upon him based on his new level of skill and awareness.

Well, this about sums it up. Going to work on Monday was a strange feeling. I talked to a few other friends while they were at work and they ended up telling their co-workers that they slept all weekend because it was too hard to explain what the hell we just did. One thing was for sure though- we sure FELT different! Cheers to Troop 307!

Change

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran

These past few months have been full of change, joy, and sorrow. Two of my best friends, Katie and Shaul, are leaving LA. Both of these people have made me laugh, have challenged me to be better, and have been there for me unconditionally. True Friends. The Real Deal. The Braintrust. They showed me I could move 3,000 miles away from my best friends in Michigan and find just as amazing friends in his crazy town. They have truly made me a better human in this world.

Although Katie hasn’t just been my friend, she has been my coach since June- and an amazing one at that. When I get down about something, she keeps me positive. Most importantly, this has translated into my own attitude; I can shake it off if something doesn't go the way I want it to in my training and be ready to tackle the next challenge. So along with the excellent programming, a positive attitude, great support, and amazing “Katie Hogan cues”- I feel like I am making great strides along with staying as stress-free as possible in my training when I come from a long day of teaching. I am not just saying this because Katie is my friend either; PRs don’t lie:)

I have changed thanks to the ladies of VCF and, even though Katie is moving, she will always be a part of the magic of the Valley Girls. I mean, I am doing GO RUCK next month. I am scared shiltless!! Why am I doing it? Partly because I want to tell my future children I did it. Partly because I listened to Kris after she did Sealfit try to convince me to do it and SHE believed in me (even though GO RUCK is WAY easier than Sealfit :) and cheaper! ). Partly because Sagi asked me to do it with him, and HE believed in me. Partly because I have already done so many things I NEVER thought I could do in my training and this is something different and scary! But, really, I realized the other day that I would have NEVER signed up to do something like this three years ago...or even a year ago!!! THAT is the cool part. So, thank you to everyone at VCF who has made me who I am today. And to Katie- cheers to the next stage of joy once the sorrow of leaving the valley subsides. I love you so much.

Passion

"Passion rebuilds the world for the youth. It makes all things alive and significant." Ralph Waldo Emerson

While looking through all of the pictures of my friends’ kids on their first days of school, I came across the picture to the left. Not only is this a really cute idea and will be great for her son to look back on as he grows up….but it also got me thinking! I was happy to dream about when I have my own kids and how excited I will be to do things like this, but I also realized that this makes me a little sad. Why? Well, a lot of my high school students that I teach have lost the excitement that cute, little Jacob has in this picture to the left. During the first two weeks of school, I work on getting to know my students. Even if I have had them previous years, things may change so it’s important to figure out what is going on their lives. For 11th grade, I had the students write down where they could potentially see themselves in this world in a few years. It could be a career, or a passion for cleaning up the environment, or really ANYTHING! One of my 11th graders wrote, “ I don’t know what I am doing with my life.” Boom. End of the paper. In contrast, one of my 9th graders typed out a page list of goals, plans, and passion. She went above and beyond the assignment, and I was blown away. This girl was excited for the future. There are many possible reasons for this drastic difference since these girls are completely different in age, personality, family life, etc. etc.; however, I did notice that this 9th grade student participated sports while the other student isn’t involved in anything outside of school. While this may or may not be the reason for my 11th grade student’s bewilderment, I started to ponder this…. While I have always been a goal driven, tenacious person, I also limited myself in many ways: not wanting to leaving my comfort zone of Michigan, not wanting to climb a rope, not wanting to find a new teaching job and be the new person in town again- and with these limits came stress and thus a loss of passion and a fear of the future. I realized how much physical fitness has to do with overall health of the mind and the body. Pushing my physical and mental capacities at Valley Crossfit both in the gym and also in competition has strengthened me and also brought back some of the excitement that I had lost in life. It made me truly believe in myself and not give up on my own dreams- and realize that I truly can handle big life changes-even if they are unplanned. As a teacher, I want to inspire my students to keep the same passion they had as first graders. I want them to realize that they can accomplish anything. I want them to continue to question the world around them and not settle when things don’t make sense….OR settle when they DO make sense. Keep questioning, thinking, and learning. I want them to feel excited and passionate about their future. I want to live that 1st grade passion at 31 years old. I want to believe that anything is possible. And you know what? It is.

Back to school.......

The beauty of hard work

“Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” -Thomas Jefferson

Robe, my teaching partner for 11th grade next year, and I are changing the entire 11th grade curriculum. I have never even taught 11th grade at this school before. He taught this last year but wants to change it up just a bit and I am on board with his ideas. It is pretty exciting. Although this can be very overwhelming because there is SOooo much work to be done. I have to read all the books on top of all the new ones along with brainstorming ideas and figuring out how the hell we can fit it all into three trimesters. This shit ain't easy! However, I realized today this is a lot like my handwalking journey in Crossfit:) I know..you think I am nuts...but this is what I do- make connections. It's fun! Gymnastics is freakin' hard for me. Handwalking has been like a soap opera. Hours upon hours of practice with very little gains...happiness, tears, you name it....partly because it was getting over a fear-which I have FINALLY mastered and partly because it was a hard skill for my brain to acquire. Today I not only went a super far distance but I was more consistent and had some good runs actually within a workout. I realized that planning for this new class is a lot like the extra work I have put into handwalking. Chip away a little at a time and stay focused no matter how long it takes because the reward at the end is THE BEST!!!!! Maybe one day I can even do this!!!

Superhuman?

This past weekend was the Crossfit Games.  If anyone was listening to the live feeds and heard horns blowing – that was myself and a few friends that had the honor and great responsiblity of being given a sacred  hornJ  They may be annoying to those around us in the stands but dammit…..Kris, Lindsey, and Becca heard that shit. When they got tired, they heard the horns and knew we were with them (or at least I like to pretend that is what happens). You can see me with my red horn and 2010 Crossfit Games cowboy hat in this picture looking very intense.  

“The Crossfit games is about human character and the belief we can master anything with enough effort - even ourselves.”  ~from the video below

This totally applies to my job as a teacher. I am doing a lot of reading and lesson planning because I am teaching 11th grade next year for the first time at this school. The literature I choose or the angle in which I teach it, the stories I share with my students, the movies, the art-  everything is chosen with great thought . The idea of helping students begin to believe in themselves, develop integrity, and make this world a better place are the big reasons I teach high school English. While I personally am at a different stage of this journey than my students, we are all on a journey nonetheless. Therefore, as I have pushed myself to become a competitive Crossfit athlete over the past few years, it has also made me a better teacher.

A lot of my friends always tell me how much it stinks that I am in the SoCal Region because there are so many great athletes here. I mean, holy crap, all four of the SoCal girls were in the TOP 10 AT THE FREAKING CROSSFIT GAMES THIS YEAR. I mean, yeah, I would have a better shot at qualifying somewhere else possibly. Yeah, I think some regions need more spots. Yeah, there might be a different way to do it. We could sit here and play the numbers game all day and talk about how it isn’t fair but nothing is going to change. AND...Most importantly, one of the biggest reasons I am the crossfitter that I am today IS from the support of Kris, Becca, Katie, and Lindsey. hahah so what is a gal to do?! :)   Well, what I CAN do is realize that battling it out with the top contenders at regionals only makes me better. I was definitely the most scared and challenged this year, and guess what? Next year will be heavier, scarier, and even more competitive.

However, putting myself out there makes me a better wife, teacher, friend, and athlete- and future mother. While I may have only ended up in 13^th this past year at Regionals, I realized that I could hang with the big wigs and hold my own.  It made me believe that I can get even better while also giving me some perspective on what to focus on for the next year in my training along with some new goals- with the end goal, as always, of actually making it to The Games as an individual. But if this doesn’t happen I am not going to deem my efforts a failure. It is all part of MY journey.

This is exactly what I want for my students, not necessarily being a Crossfit athlete, but pushing themselves to be better humans in this world, being afraid, taking risks, not making excuses, and finding the positive in each situation. I want them to make this world better but that isn’t easy to do if you don’t have self confidence and the drive to attack your weaknesses all while handling the ups and downs of training but also life. Crossfit tests all of these things within me and makes me better. I want my students to grow up with that same resiliency.

Our red VCF shirts say “Superhero Training” but in reality “What people experience when they come to the Games is not the superhuman but the very human.”

Another year in the books!!

I made it, folks!!! It is now the end of the Crossfit season (for me☺) AND the end of the school year. It has taken me a while to even begin writing a blog about Regionals because Monday morning bright and early I was thrown back into the midst of teaching 9th graders. While I was REALLY happy with how regionals went, I didn’t have a lot of time for reflection because I was so stressed/excited/anxious about wrapping up the school year. It is a great feeling when you realize that all of your hard work has paid off. For some reason I like to make myself panicked about the fact that this might not happen, and I do this to myself EVERY year in both Crossfit and my teaching career. Throughout the school year, I feel defeated. I am never happy with my lesson plans because I always want them to be better or feel the kids aren’t listening to me when I try to inspire them. With Crossfit, I feel like my progress in the gym is slow and always feel behind. However, this is my 8th year of teaching and my 3rd year competiting in Crossfit and, dammit, I should know better at this point! I found this quote the other day and it really hit home.

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it” ~Thoreau

I mean, don’t get me wrong...you still have to have a plan for success...but I do find myself busy, moving to project to project, and always focused on what is next that I never really see or feel progress being made. So, I guess this is why sometimes it all hits me and I am completely overwhelmed by how far I have come or how much my students have learned. I was never a high school or college athlete. When I started Crossfitting I thought I would never get a muscle up and I was scared of doing forward rolls and being upside down in a handstand. And, I NEVER thought I would climb a rope due to my deathly fear of heights. So after regionals this year instead of planning next years goals or thinking about how many rest days I should take, I made myself stop for a second just be proud of myself. My friends teased me that I had a huge smile on my face coming out for the WODs and how it looked like I was coming out to a beauty pagent; we all had a good laugh about it. I guess part of that smile was the excitement, part of it was the nervousness, and part was, of course, the fact that I love cameras and attention, but really, what I think made me the most happy was the fact that I made it. Regionals gets bigger every year, and this year I could really feel it!! Maybe it was the fact that the audience was closer to the arena than last year, or maybe it was because Jared got to cheer me on this year, or maybe it was just because I had a date with muscle ups, or maybe it was because I worked even harder than last year, or MAYBE it was that my super awesome friend Anton took over as my coach for the weekend with an offical coach's pass and everything. I don’t know….but it was time for the hard work to pay off, and well, that is exciting and made me smile REALLY big. Well....at least SOME of the time! I was SO nervous about making it through all three days, since that was one of my goals coming out of regionals last year. So, the hour I had to wait after the snatch latter (which wasn't my best event) to see if I would make top 18 so I could have my date with destiny (muscle ups) was the worst. After bombing out on muscle ups the last two years at Regionals, I was basically hyperventilating while waiting for the results. And boy...once they came it...there were lots of tears and then it was time to kick into gear for WOD 6 :) One of the most memorable competition WODs I have done thus far. The best part of it all was that Anton, Jared, and TONS of VCFers were directly behind me metaphorically and physically. It was just plain fucking awesome. Upon returning to school I felt like I was on cloud 9. How could everyone just be walking to class right now? Don’t they know what just happened this weekend? HOW CAN EVERYONE JUST BE ACTING NORMAL??? Anyway, once we finished up the Othello essays I decided to give my 9th graders an assignment called“6 Things I learned in English Class” that modeled after the ESPN articles “6 Things you should know about_______” presented in every edition. This way they could demonstrate what they learned in a more creative way. You know what? Turns out the students WERE listening after all! I decided to put just a few of my favorites in my blog!

Crossfit Inspiration: When Mrs. Ryan tells me her crazy stories about crossfit, it makes me believe in myself as a runner, especially because she makes me feel like she believes in my too, as a student and an athlete. Because of her ability to teach many English classes on top of doing crossfit really well, it makes me feel like I can get better times and records in track, on top of keeping up with my schoolwork, and that’s important.

There are no boundaries: I remember a recent conversation in class about how men are normally stronger than women, but Mrs. Ryan proves this stereotype wrong with her dedication to crossfit. She even competes in professional competition. I admire Mrs. Ryan’s hard work and dedication because I too have interests that are not considered “normal” for my ethnicity, like skateboarding. But Mrs. Ryan has taught me to be myself, no matter what others think.

From teacher to student: This year Mrs. Ryan has also greatly helped me grow as a student and a person in this class. She has a great fun loving attitude and makes everyone in the class feel comfortable. I feel like I can share anything with the class and Mrs. Ryan will be appreciative of anything that I have to say. Her crazy stories are fun while motivating us and showing us that we can accomplish if we really try. Mrs. Ryan has been my favorite teacher this year for those reasons, she is fun and inspiring and helped me greatly become a better writer, analyzer, and person.

And SO....another Crossfit season and school year ends and I sure as hell am smiling! :)

Teachable Moments.

So it’s last block and I am giving my students a run down of what is going on for this week since I”ll be missing two days of school for Regionals. A few students ask some questions about the competition, so I explain what I am in store for this weekend. Watching their eyes bug out after telling them some of the WODs was the best. This is my chattest class AND it's last block AND they were all silently listening to me. Score! A few of the boys ask me how well I need to do in order to make it to the next step in July, so I continue explaining the process. Another one of my students tells me to “WIN!” And there it was…..a teachable moment that I couldn’t pass up. Othello would have to wait a minute….so I told the class that it wasn’t about winning. Then another student says, “then why do they call it a competition?”
Valid Question. So I clarified what I meant….
We all want to win! Who doesn’t want to win? Winning is FUN and AMAZING! Yes, when I am regionals I will be trying to beat other girls. Yes, I want to see how well I can do on the leaderboard. Yes, I want to make it to the Crossfit Games in July. However, if that becomes the only thing that it is about, then problems arise and don’t feel you will ever be at your very best.
I explained to the class about my experience with muscle ups over the last two regionals and how I have my own personal goals to actually make it to that WOD and how I want to perform in that WOD along with lots of other goals, too….and those are just as important as beating the girl next to me. I have went all year long with passion, determination, and excitement working toward these personal goals, so this is about me and nobody else.
One girl in the front row piped up and said that is exactly what her track coach told her the other day and once she started focusing more on herself….she got a huge PR and, as a result, placed high in her track meet. Wow! Could this have been a better moment in class? Can I just go home now and call it a day? Anyway, that track coach sounds like a damn good guy. In fact, he has been doing Crossfit for just under a year now. I remember the day he asked me to help him get started!
I am lucky to have those types of coaches around me every day at Valley to remind me of what is important, even if they are my competition this weekend:) However, we will all be out there fighting our own personal battles though…… because that is what it is truly about.

I'm Back!

Well, here I am! (That is for YOU, my three followers of this blog. LOL)I know I stopped blogging for a while there. I got a little sick after the Open and my parents came into two for a few weeks to visit, which was awesome!!The Open was long but great! I stuck to my rules that I made for myself, which made the Open pretty smooth for me. Don’t get me wrong. Negative thoughts entered my head throughout the long 5 weeks of the Open. Although I do have to say I did a pretty good job kicking those negative thoughts in the ass! I really feel like this year’s Open has helped me in my mental game. Every time a negative thought entered my head I replaced it a positive one, a positive rep, or a feeling of excitement. Most importantly, these positive thoughts weren’t forced but rather I made myself actually BELIEVE them. I had to work hard to do this but as the weeks trudged on….I kept at it. As I am sitting here recaping the Open, I realized I need to be doing the same thing right now for Regionals!!! Regionals training has been tough –trying to get all the extra stuff in while also teaching. I was spoiled last year because regionals was after school got out. However, I did what I needed to do without feeling too sorry for myself or letting myself get into that "victim" mentality again:)I have to give a shout out to Jared, my hubby, for being so supportive with my crazy schedule and mood swings:):) In fact, I just gave my students this same speech last week in class. Since we got back from spring break, I caught three students cheating, have a long list of kids with missing homework, and, on top of that, students can’t even remember to bring their damn Othello books to class. I always joke with my students at the end of the year and tell them “not to fall off the ship.” “The ship is sailing and isn’t to port until mid-June.” This year one of the class clowns pipes up and says, “But what if we hit an iceberg?!” I respond, “Don’t worry. I am a good captain.” And we all have a laugh. I am desperate to motivate my students right now. I find myself in the same predicament every year at this time; it is very hard for the kids to focus and begin to feel like everyday we are one step closer to sinking. Will I change all of the kids? Absolutely not. However, I always try my best each year. This year I decided to tell them about my training program because most of the time if I talk about Crossfit they actually listen. I explained that I am at the gym for 2 to 3 hours every night doing workouts, strength, skills, and anything else to get ready for Regionals. Many nights have been spent in the parking lot of my gym, in the dark, alone, pushing/pulling weight. I explained to them that it would be easy for me to skip it, quit half way through, or go home to sleep, but I don’t. It is so much more important to me that my students learn work ethics, perseverance, and integrity rather than comma rules. So, I figure if I can try to model this to them as much as possible, it will help. On that note, I am so excited yet nervous for Regionals. I have a lot of goals set for myself that I have been thinking about since last year’s regional. These nerves have seemed to get the best of me lately, but I need to be my own damn captain- nobody can do it for me. I need to control my thoughts like I did in the Open so I don’t let any 70 pound icebergs throw me around. I am the one in control!! Let’s do this!

Crossfit Crazy?

“I dwell in possibility” ~Emily Dickinson

My friends at school all think that what I do at Crossfit is crazy. Sure, I do a lot of competitions, I am strict with my diet, can’t go out to dinner with friends during the week because I am training, and have to make some sacrifices along the way. I lift a lot of weight, come to school with strange bruises, and pass on the cookies at lunch. For those that don’t know much about Crossfit, I may just turn them off from the thought of it. In fact, many co-workers all tell me that they couldn’t possibly do what I do. Well, I always tell them that I didn’t used to be able to do all of this either when I first started years ago with Doug when Crossfit was just an infant.
However, the beauty of Crossfit is watching someone do something they thought they couldn’t do. It doesn’t matter what weight it is, how you scored in The Open, or what your time was compared to everyone else in class. All of that is relative to how YOU did in comparison to yesterday and the day before yesterday. I remember when I got my first pull up at Hyperfit. I remember when I deadlifted 225 pounds and couldn’t believe it, and now my last PR was over 300 pounds. And, BOY…do I remember my first muscle up at VCF. That was probably the most memorable because I worked the hardest for it. It doesn’t matter the weight or the movement. What matters is that YOU improve all while getting fit and having fun.
Over my years of Crossfitting in both Michigan and L.A, I’ve watched people drop HUNDREDS of pounds doing Crossfit but also have seen skinny and frail women gain strength in both mind and body. THIS is the heart of Crossfit. While I love competition, you don’t have to compete in the NLI or the OC Throwdown but everyone should always be competing with themselves to be better. Crossfit makes you better at life and I love it.

Friends near and far

“Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being.” ~Schewitzer

I realized the other day how happy I am with the people in my life. I don’t mean just the people I see every day, but I mean the people that are a part of my life for the long haul. These are people that always leave me feeling refreshed and rejuvenated after talking to them.

I realized this a few weeks back when one of my students was talking about how she feels like she can’t find anyone to fully trust to be her best friend. While this made me sad, I thought back to myself in 9th grade. I sure didn’t have that figured out yet either!! However, as I look at my life now, I feel SO overwhelmingly blessed that I have so many friends all around the states and even a few in different countries! I am still friends with a TON of people from high school, which seems rare these days. On top of that, I have all of my Gamma Phi Beta sisters and all of the Pi Kappa Phi guys. I have my friends from Salem high school, along with my friends from Hyperfit. I mean….one of the reasons I loved my wedding so much (besides that I married Jared haha) was because many of these people were all in the same place at the same time. Basically, this was a dream come true to have people from “all walks of life” celebrating with me on my special day. And now that I have moved to LA, I have my VCF friends and my friends at Campbell Hall.

I am not listing all of these groups of friends to prove I am popular…. Hahahah…. But rather I am doing it because I realized that I have created this world for myself that I love. And, sometimes when I really miss people, I have to remind myself how lucky I truly am. I grow through conversations with others. Whether those conversations are helping me with my split jerk, discussing a new lesson plan, helping me make a decision, or just discussing life in general; they are bringing a new perspective that leaves me feeling whole again because I have opened my mind to new possibilities. I encouraged my students by telling them that it takes a little bit of time to find those you can trust and those that make you better….but when you do, don’t lose them! I think this is a big reason that I love being a teacher. I learn just as much from my students as they learn from me. And Crossfit? Well, jeez…it is all about the inner struggle with yourself every day. We couldn’t survive without coaches, friends, and family at the gym.

Now……...how can I get all of my Michigan friends and LA friends together at one big party? I think my heart would explode.

Cheers to true friendship both near and far.

On a Friday.

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. ~Bill Meyer

Eight minutes left of class and I decided that this was my last attempt to actually teach something substantial to my students today.

Last week I had to hold one of my classes in the boardroom because the big wigs were using my normal room for a meeting because they wanted an actual “classroom feel." So the ONE 9th grade class that I normally have a very specific seating chart for is now in a room with big, comfy rolly chairs that are all jammed together ……on a FRIDAY.

Wonderful.

The first half of class was a battle to get them to listen to how the next test is going to be set up and how to start brainstorming for their thesis statements. The second half of class was a battle to get them to start reviewing in small groups. But with 8 minutes remaining I realized this was my chance to get them to really leave for the weekend with something to think about. So I decided, at the last minute, to talk about The Open. After I explained the burpee WOD, it was funny to hear them say “wait….that is IT?”

hahaha oh children….if you only knew….

So I explained to them that, of course, part of this workout tests your conditioning and muscle endurance. However, a big part of it was really mental. It was just you and those burpees. There was no one to chase. There was no change in movement. There was no relief. And I closed my eyes for half of it, so all I could do was hear the voices of those coaching me along…… listening to Kris give me cues or Sue scream at me the last 30 seconds. I had to keep telling myself I was fine and to stay relaxed, keep moving, and not to let negative thoughts creep in. I mean…hey…they don’t call KAREN a OMMF (one movement mind #$%@) for nothing.

So I explained to my students (after demonstrating what a burpee was…in the board room..haha) that just because things seem difficultsometimes, their attitude is what makes or breaks them. All I hear around school is students talking about how they are going to fail the test, how they are stupid, or how other people are stupid… etc etc…negativity is just pouring out of those walls. I challenged them to be better than that and suggested they try to take the negative thought that enters their mind and switch it over to a positive one (Kudos to the Amundson seminar). I told them it wouldn’t be easy, but it will make them better and stronger and that I work on this myself every day.

You could hear a pin drop. I think they got the point. Or maybe they just thought I was nuts. Either way……cheers to another week of teaching, competing, and pushing myself to be better. Hooyah.

We are all in it together!

So I realized that yesterday’s post was more focused on the negative aspects of the Open, while today I realized how cool it is that The Crossfit Open brings people together! We are all experiencing the SAME THING at the SAME TIME. Whether people are nervous , excited, scared, hate the WOD, love the WOD, making jokes or extremely serious…..we are all in it together. All of my crossfitting friends across the entire nation are with me….MAKING MEMORIES!

AND....if you know me...you know that is my favorite thing to do.

Let the Wild Rumpus....Start!

So the Crossfit Open starts tomorrow! I can hardly believe it. Last year I truly let the Open take over my life. I got nervous during the school day. I let my other training slide because I was so paranoid about doing the Open WODs twice. I checked the website a million times a day. I talked to everyone about each WOD to get different perspectives and thoughts. Don’t get me wrong. I am going to be nervous; it means I care! However, this year my goal is to control all of this. I don’t want my entire life to stop for 5 weeks because it is the Crossfit Open. I don’t want my extra training to fall to the wayside so I get to Regionals (hopefully) and am not prepared. I want to balance it all out and feel more in control than I did last year. Don’t get me wrong, last year’s Open went well. There were tears of joy and mostly PRs the second time I did the WOD. However, I think there is room for even more improvement this year when it comes to my mental state.
SO I am setting parameters for myself before all of this insanity ensues. If I set them up ahead of time, I will more likely stay on track.
My plan of attack:
1. If I start obsessing, I am leaving the gym (after I help judge, that is )
2. If people around me start obsessing, I will walk away and mobilize.
3. If I want to rest the day before I do an Open WOD, I will work on skills so my time isn’t wasted.
4. If I want to check the standings, I am only allowed to look three times a week.
5. I will not allow myself to get nervous while I am at school. I need to be there for my students, and I also don’t need to waste that energy. I need to save it for the WOD.
6. I am going to try and sign up for the same times each week so I don’t obsess about heat times....One less thing to think about!
7. I need to focus on the positive and stay focused on controlling the thoughts in my head. It won't be easy, but I will be persistent!

Persistence
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you like to win but think you can't,
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you're lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will.
It's all in the state of mind.
If you think you are out classed, you are.
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of your-self before
You can ever win the prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.\
~Posted by Douglas Chapman at HyperfitUSA.com

Write it down!

"By recording your goals and dreams on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be." -Mark Victor Hansen

There is something very powerful about writing down your goals but also your weaknesses. It sounds so damn simple and sometimes I wonder….do I really need to write it down? I know in my head what I want to accomplish. However, every time I end up writing it down because that is the only way true dreams are achieved, at least for me.

I accomplished a huge PR/goal at the gym the other night. Backsquats have been a weakness for a long time. I have really worked on my form, practiced them when I didn’t want to, and sometimes felt the progress was slow. Everything finally paid off!! Courageous patience.

The other week I was feeling disorganized with my extra training, and that is when I realized I hadn’t updated my weakness/ skills to work on list. Once I did that, I felt much better and things fell back into place.

Jared does the same thing! He has a business list, personal list, and a Crossfit list. We are a family of list makers over here, but we truly believe in it! In fact, we have a meeting every December to plan our finances but also our personal goals and relationship goals for the upcoming year....and, you guessed it...we write. it. DOWN!

Here are why lists (for crossfit) are a beautiful thing for me:

1. If there is a good drill I learn in one of the classes, I won’t forget it and can come back to it another time.

2. It helps me maintain integrity. I hate feeling like I avoided something for too long (even though avoidance is really easy). If a list is staring me in the face, I am going to knock it down. Period.

3. Making progress or getting a PR feels that much better! ( For example, for a while I had to improve my MUs by fixing my elbows so they came through at the same time. I would practice and practice but I just had such a hard time fixing it, even with coaching cues from various coaches. Then while doing JASON one night it clicked. Boy, that felt amazing. And folks…..THAT was on the list.)

4. It helps keep ME worried about ME and no one else. Everyone is always training at the gym doing extra WODs, strength, skills, or mobility outside of class. It is easy to get lost in this or not know what would benefit ME the most…then it becomes easy to give up and just chat away with friends (we’ve all been there!). If I have my handy dandy list, there is something I can go to! If my arms are sore, I can work something with my legs…or just work a skill…or learn some new mobility. I don’t have a lot of extra time because of my teaching job, so I have to be smart in how I spend it. This helps me focus on ME and not worry about what everyone else is doing, which, in turn, makes me a better athlete.

While thinking about my own crossfit list/goals/dreams, I realized I haven’t checked in with my students! At the beginning of the year I had them write down their goals (school, sports, music, all areas) and told them the importance of actually writing them down and also the power of positive self-talk. I stole a bit of this from the Amundson seminar, which I happily told Greg when I saw him at regionals last year. He was excited that I was bringing this stuff to my high schoolers! So, at some point this week I am going to fit this into one of my lesson plans and see where my kids are at, especially since it is midway through the school year. I can’t wait!

Write it down!!!!!

Celebrate!

Two things happened today that were awesome. First, I got the most amazing text message from a former student. It made my life. Years down the road what I teach my students actually DOES stick with them. Here is part of what was said....

"the life/school lessons I have learned from you throughout the 6 years of knowing you...the stuff you said where I used to be like "Oh...Miss K"...is like now...damn she was right!! All this time and not only do I apply it to my life but the kids I teach (he teaches Tae Twan Do and also competes and a very high level in it himself).

"You need to realize that you are an outstanding teacher and overall amazing human being...you forever and always will touch and make a difference in people's lives, especially your students. I am very blessed to have had you not only as a teacher but somone in my life I feel comfortable just talking to when I need someone to talk to."

It is funny that I just wrote that courageous patience blog and a few days later I got this amazing message that really confirms it all. and now...I'm crying again.

Second, I got a huge PR on my handstand walking. I screamed. I danced. Then I did a WOD.

Days like this I gotta say.... I love life!! Celebrate!

Confidence

Confidence... thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live.
~Franklin D. Roosevelt



Today was my first day back to Crossfit from being sick AGAIN. Okay, Okay… it was only two days of rest but it seemed like forever. For all of your crazy crossfitters, you know what I mean. I never get sick this much! Too much stress at work and not enough sleep since I’ve been up late grading outlines. Anyway, it was a longer WOD today with lots of running, toes to bar, and box jumping. It took me at least one round to get my mojo back from being sick. At first, I started and was saying things to myself “I was just sick and I feel weak…man this is gonna be slow..etc. etc..” Then after the first round things started feeling normal again and I started to push myself. I realized today, especially in a longer WOD, how important it is to be positive. Everyone has something that works for them. For me, it is finding my calm and confidence.

Later as I was leaving the gym I began thinking about a conversation I had with one of my students just the day before about this very issue. Not Crossfit but confidence. This girl…let’s call her Sally… came to see me during my prep period to ask me a question about her project. While the biggest part of the project was the written part, the students also have to give a presentation. I really encourage them to work on presenting to prepare them for college or job interviews and future school projects. I HATED public speaking in high school and now that is all I do! Practice. Practice, Practice. Anyway, Sally was REALLY nervous about giving this speech. Unfortunately, Sally is in my chattest, roughest class. Now, when I say “roughest” I mean that kids tease each other a lot. “Rough” at my old high school meant students with tethers on their legs that were in and out of jail and/or an overcrowded class of 37 students. However, things can get pretty judgmental at our school and it is really, really sad. All of these things really made her nervous, for she was worried everyone would secretly make fun of her later and she noted that she has to spend the next 4 years with these kids.

It is often hard for new 9th graders to find their nitch because about 75 percent of them come up from the middle school and already know each other. This particular girl is quiet, innocent, and sweet so she is having a hard time finding friends. On top of these immediate worries, she expressed to me how nervous she is about college , and how she felt that her future was hanging on every assignment she completed and at any moment she could ruin it all. She questions how she would know if she was “good enough?” The way she described it really made 9th grade sound like a level in Dante’s Inferno. It broke my heart. However, I couldn’t let a teachable moment like this pass me by…she was really opening up!

The more I listened to Sally, the more I realized that I was the very same way in high school. I hadn’t really thought about this in a while, but it is true! I also went to a high school different than where my friends went, and it took me until about the middle of 10th grade to really find my set of friends. I also was really nervous about my grades in ninth grade and already thinking about college. I also didn’t have much confidence in myself. I mean, I remember crying on Valentine ’s Day because I thought no boy would ever like me. My Spanish teacher gave me a pity flower. Boy oh boy. Was this even me? This is SO different than I am today. So I began to think about my own journey to achieving this confidence.

It certainly was a journey. From Color Guard competitions, to my high school boyfriend cheating on me and thinking my life was over, to going to college, looking for my first teaching job, looking for another teaching job since I didn't like the first school I was at, following Doug around and learning Crossfit, and moving to LA and having to start over…find a new crossfit and a new job. How did I gain all of this confidence? Well, every bit along the way I gained a little more because I always pushed myself to be better even when I was scared or unsure how it would shake out. Most importantly, though, I always stayed true to myself. The reason I am the crossfitter I am today is in large a big part of the fact that I faced a HUGE fear about moving out here and starting over. Once I proved to myself that I could get a kick-ass job at a private school and find an awesome life out here…my confidence rose even more than I thought was possible, which, in turn, translated into my attitude about Crossfit and made me a true competitor.

So what did I tell Sally? I told her stories from my own 9th grade year and how I felt the same way. I also told her how proud I was that she remained true to herself and didn’t try to “fit in” with kids she didn’t exactly identify with just to be cool. In fact, I told her that this takes a TON of strength, and, if anything, she is ahead of the game!! I reassured her that the confidence would come, 9th grade was tough, to remain true to herself, and made her promise to check in with me in a few weeks. I am just praying that telling her similar stories of my own youth will help her realize that she isn’t as alone as she thinks. Wish I had more time to prepare…but really, with teaching the lesson plans you prepare hours and hours for don’t end up being the most important part.

So during the WOD tonight at the gym, I felt grateful for the confidence that I have gained over the years, not only for the benefit of my Crossfit workouts but because it has made me a better teacher, wife, and friend…..and more is to come in the next stage of my life- raising children!!

Strong Inspiration

So every year I give a student survey to get feedback about the class. I don't let the kids put their names on it so they can be honest. I will take notes from the surveys so I know what to keep up for next year and what to change or add. Of course, some of the things kids write are funny. For example, I won't be taking out grammar or reading from an English class:) Anyway, here one answer I read tonight while putting away my papers....maybe more to come later once I finish them.

What are this teacher's strengths?
"positive attitude, strong inspiration"

This makes me love life!!!!!!!!
Goodnight:)

Courageous Patience.

"Good ideas are not adopted automatically. They must be driven into practice with courageous patience." - Hyman Rickover

Today I was frantically leaving school to try to make it to the 5 o’clock WOD, and I was feeling beaten down. It was a fight to get the kids to listen today. I felt like nothing I was saying was getting through to them, and, on top of that, a few of them didn’t have their draft of their project done. Not only does that make me sad, but this leaves me with the extra work of emailing home and tracking kids down tomorrow.

Once I got home, I saw that “Greatest Quotes” tweeted the quote above. Well, there is it folks. This was exactly what I needed to hear today before I went to the gym. I think the phrase “courageous patience” sums up teaching in a nutshell! On simple level, as a ninth grade teacher, I repeat everything I say at three times for any hope of a connection. I am not kidding you. All I DO is repeat. On a deeper level, this also reminded me about a late night coffee shop conversation with a teacher friend this past weekend while we were grading. She said brain research shows that even though the kids might not always make the connections right now, down the road it WILL connect. Even though this could take years…like even 10 years….they will be able to apply the skills we are teaching them now. AMEN!!! I smiled and went back to grading. I just gotta keep the faith. Courageous patience.

Teaching high school is hard because you never get instant gratification. One of my good friends in Michigan teaches kindergarten and the kids tell her every day how much they love her, how pretty she is, and give her gifts of love. What do I get? Complaints, gripes, angry parents, depressed kids, and high school students trying to hit on me……REALLY? I mean, I am in NO way saying teaching little kids is easy. Bless all of my friends that teach the youngsters!! I know I couldn’t do it, especially because I have heard the poop stories. Yep, lots and lots of poop. Well, I don’t have to clean up poop but it is sure easy to feel like it with high schoolers abound that don’t want to listen and suck all my energy.
However, on days that I feel like poop I always remind myself that the next day will be better! If THAT doesn’t work then I remind myself that the end of the year will be better (and not just because it is summer break ). The end of the school year is really when I start to see the growth in my students’ writing, when they reflect on the year, and when they normally write nice notes on the end of the year survey or just say thank you.

I see my students from last year around campus all the time (that is what is nice about teaching at a smaller school now). I actually had a former 9th grader tell me that he thought 10th grade wasn’t going to be too bad since I prepared him so well. This was a kid that struggled a bit and I had to push him a lot. Here he was telling me he felt prepared and excited. Boy oh Boy. This made my life!!! Can we get this on video?


This is TOTALLY the same way with Crossfit. Sometimes when I am practicing a new skill like handstand walking, I feel like so many hours go in and only a little progress comes out. This is a VERY hard skill for me to master. These were in a recent competition that a lot of my friends participated in, so it reminded me I better get to focusing on this skill (along with the millions of other things I want to be practicing, of course ). Anyway, I was worried the hard work I had put in a little while ago would have been lost, but, actually just playing around with it a little bit today felt okay. I didn’t get a PR or anything but I felt pretty composed practicing it and remembered the stuff I had learned before. Now I am excited to get back at it! Putting practice into new skills can be unsettling because you don’t always get immediate results but you gotta just keep practicing and keep believing.

More than likely on any given day, if I am feeling good about school then I might not be feeling good about Crossfit or vice versa- especially since I am always seeking to improve. However, when you do something every single day, not every single day is going to be a great teachable moment or a new PR. But we gotta keep the faith, people! Positive attitude is contagious, and it is my job to set an example for my high school students and carry that same attitude through to Crossfit training in the evening.

Don’t stop believing!!

Will Smith shares his secrets of success

One of my favorite video clips!!!!

I got in the mood to write!

“If you're doing something for the right reasons, nothing can stop you.”
~We Bought a Zoo


So I normally don’t write blog posts because as an English teacher, I am spending a lot of time reading and grading my students’ work and don’t have much steam left to sit down and write anything for myself. As a disclaimer, although I am an English teacher, this may not be the most beautifully polished piece of writing in the world. I have to proofread my handouts and emails to parents like crazy…and frankly, I don’t want to do that here. I just want to express what I have learned the past few years and have some fun writing it. Actually, as I am writing this now, I should actually be grading essay tests and writing narratives for school. I’ll get back to that shortly.

Ever since AP English in high school I wanted to be an English teacher. The way my teacher brought psychology, history, science, commercials, movies, and TV into our classroom and connected those concepts to the classical literature we were reading, inspired me. As humans throughout time, we were all connected and I loved it. So I got good grades. I got into U of M. I worked damn hard, and I was going to study to be a teacher. Let’s do this.

Flashforward: Present Day. The beginning of this school year was rough for me. For the first two months of school I felt almost out of control. Going from the summer, where I get to train as much as I want to, to full time teaching again can be difficult. For me, it is much easier if I can just do one thing 110%, so then I feel like I am really doing the best that I can. So, since there were TWO really important things I wanted to be doing 110%, I was feeling very uneasy. I found myself crying, frustrated, behind, and bitter. Wait a second. This isn’t right. I love my job AND I love Crossfit. It really shouldn’t be like this. I realized this on a rational level, but emotionally, I just couldn’t get a grasp.

Now that Crossfit is getting larger and larger, more and more opportunities to compete are presenting themselves. At the beginning of the school year, I felt like I should be doing every single one of these competitions. This made me spiral down into deeper into this hole I had dug myself. For some reason the competitions weren’t exciting anymore, but rather felt like a job. I blamed teaching for this feeling. If I wasn’t teaching, I wouldn’t be tired and I would want to compete. I should WANT to do all these competitions, right? I have enjoyed them up until now. I mean, I want to get better and push myself. What has changed? Argh! I was a mess inside my head. All of this insanity just left me feeling disappointed in myself.

In November I couldn’t do the second NLI competition because I was going to be in Michigan for my best friend Laura’s wedding. For some reason, being forced to step away from Crossfit AND school for a few days was just the thing that I needed. I was around my family, friends, and most importantly the newly married, amazing couple. Life was great and I started climbing out of the hole that I had dug for myself the first two months of school.

Teaching high school children, dealing with parents, making split decisions on how to handle issues or things students say at every given moment is stressful. Coming into the gym every single night exhausted from giving, giving, giving at school yet also wanting to do my best, get a PR, or just feel good about my performance in the WOD is a lot of pressure. As much as people tease me (all in love:) ) that I get stressed, I cry a lot, or I freak out pretty easily (which is all true), I do believe that on a regular basis I can handle my shit pretty damn well, and I ain’t gonna let nothin’ get me down!!
While I was home visiting Michigan for Christmas, I trained at Hyperfit- where I first started crossfitting when it was still a newborn. My husband Jared and I went to a WOD almost every day during our two week stay in the mitten. I got some extra training in besides what was programmed into class, but not as much as usual since I had family obligations and lots of people to see while I was in town. I took all of the pressure off for just a little while. What happened? I got some PRs while at Hyperfit and also upon my return to Valley. Letting the pressure go for just a little while was EXACTLY what I needed. Now, don’t get me wrong. Pressure is a good thing, too. It often drives me and pushes me to my limits. However, I realized that I shouldn’t be pushed to my limits every damn day. On top of THAT, I shouldn’t feel GUILTY for not pushing it all the time either. All of that shit is wasted energy. I have, and always will be, a really hard worker. I make list after list of Crossfit skills or lifts that I need to work on. I make list after list at school on ways I can improve tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. I spend extra time at the gym and extra time planning for school. I won’t settle for less than my best. I know these things about myself. So why not relax and have some faith in the process and my own integrity???? Why not listen to that voice that comes on inside my head during competition that tells me that I can do it and that I believe in myself? I begin to see the light.

When I am teaching, I often make Crossfit analogies. For one, the kids all think Crossfit is really cool so they will actually listen to me. Most importantly, however, this is exactly how I am able to connect my own life to what the 9th grade students are going through themselves. I want them to experience growing and learning WITH me, not FOR me. Grades are important and all, but really, I want these kids to grow up to be a real person in this world with depth, integrity, and confidence.
I remember there was one day where I was encouraging them to make appointments with their teachers in other classes if they weren’t happy with their grade or didn’t understand something about the class. Even if they didn’t get along with that teacher or particularly like his/her teaching style, it was still THEIR responsibility to try to remedy the problem. So many of them sit there and just want to be the victim. Sure, you expect this from high school kids…but I am pushing my 9th graders to be better than that. I have to at least try!! So…here comes the crossfit analogy…..

I hate heights and rope climbing is often in Crossfit workouts and competitions. I told the kids that it would have been easy for me to avoid working on this skill because I hated it so much. However, I didn’t avoid the problem. I faced it head on even though I was really scared. (In fact, today we just did RJ at the gym which is a long hero WOD with 25 15 ft rope climbs. I did it all and I wasn’t even scared of the heights. ) I explained to my students that avoiding problems is never good, etc, etc, analogy analogy. You get the point…:)

Anyway, I realized if I was telling my students not to be victims then I can’t be one either!! Sure, I was attacking my physical weaknesses and/or skills that scared me; however, what about my mental state? The “oh poor me” attitude because I didn’t have more time to be a Crossfit competitor while also being a teacher has to stop because I don’t want to quit either one of them. Being a crossfitter and a teacher is part of my soul. It is who I am, and for me, they both are a piece to the meaning of life itself.
The beauty of Crossfit is that people leave there every day better than when they came in. Whether you are a Sally Jo, Billy Bob, Kris Clever, or Chris Spealler you walk out of that garage door with the same goods- better than when you walked in. You pushed the limits. You challenged the status quo. You left your comfort zone. How many people can say they do that on a daily basis? So then I stopped to think about the fact that I GET to do that at least TWICE a day both in the classroom and then later in the gym- but just in different ways. Damn. This is the life. Why was I fighting this so much at the beginning of the year?

What is this all really about? For me, it is always trying to improve myself. I had to face all kinds of fears when I moved to LA and left everything I knew. Leaving my comfort zone made me learn and grow in ways I never thought possible. This also makes me realize that more challenges are on their way. Sometimes I wonder how I ever will be able to have kids, teach, possibly open up my own school, do crossfit, and maintain all of the relationships in my life. However, when I start having these doubts, I remind myself that I refuse to be a victim and dig myself back into that hole. No way. The sun is going to keep me fired up for the future.

“All it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage and great things will happen. I promise.” ~We Bought a Zoo

What are you going to do with your 20 seconds today?