"By recording your goals and dreams on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be." -Mark Victor Hansen
There is something very powerful about writing down your goals but also your weaknesses. It sounds so damn simple and sometimes I wonder….do I really need to write it down? I know in my head what I want to accomplish. However, every time I end up writing it down because that is the only way true dreams are achieved, at least for me.
I accomplished a huge PR/goal at the gym the other night. Backsquats have been a weakness for a long time. I have really worked on my form, practiced them when I didn’t want to, and sometimes felt the progress was slow. Everything finally paid off!! Courageous patience.
The other week I was feeling disorganized with my extra training, and that is when I realized I hadn’t updated my weakness/ skills to work on list. Once I did that, I felt much better and things fell back into place.
Jared does the same thing! He has a business list, personal list, and a Crossfit list. We are a family of list makers over here, but we truly believe in it! In fact, we have a meeting every December to plan our finances but also our personal goals and relationship goals for the upcoming year....and, you guessed it...we write. it. DOWN!
Here are why lists (for crossfit) are a beautiful thing for me:
1. If there is a good drill I learn in one of the classes, I won’t forget it and can come back to it another time.
2. It helps me maintain integrity. I hate feeling like I avoided something for too long (even though avoidance is really easy). If a list is staring me in the face, I am going to knock it down. Period.
3. Making progress or getting a PR feels that much better! ( For example, for a while I had to improve my MUs by fixing my elbows so they came through at the same time. I would practice and practice but I just had such a hard time fixing it, even with coaching cues from various coaches. Then while doing JASON one night it clicked. Boy, that felt amazing. And folks…..THAT was on the list.)
4. It helps keep ME worried about ME and no one else. Everyone is always training at the gym doing extra WODs, strength, skills, or mobility outside of class. It is easy to get lost in this or not know what would benefit ME the most…then it becomes easy to give up and just chat away with friends (we’ve all been there!). If I have my handy dandy list, there is something I can go to! If my arms are sore, I can work something with my legs…or just work a skill…or learn some new mobility. I don’t have a lot of extra time because of my teaching job, so I have to be smart in how I spend it. This helps me focus on ME and not worry about what everyone else is doing, which, in turn, makes me a better athlete.
While thinking about my own crossfit list/goals/dreams, I realized I haven’t checked in with my students! At the beginning of the year I had them write down their goals (school, sports, music, all areas) and told them the importance of actually writing them down and also the power of positive self-talk. I stole a bit of this from the Amundson seminar, which I happily told Greg when I saw him at regionals last year. He was excited that I was bringing this stuff to my high schoolers! So, at some point this week I am going to fit this into one of my lesson plans and see where my kids are at, especially since it is midway through the school year. I can’t wait!
Write it down!!!!!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Celebrate!
Two things happened today that were awesome. First, I got the most amazing text message from a former student. It made my life. Years down the road what I teach my students actually DOES stick with them. Here is part of what was said....
"the life/school lessons I have learned from you throughout the 6 years of knowing you...the stuff you said where I used to be like "Oh...Miss K"...is like now...damn she was right!! All this time and not only do I apply it to my life but the kids I teach (he teaches Tae Twan Do and also competes and a very high level in it himself).
"You need to realize that you are an outstanding teacher and overall amazing human being...you forever and always will touch and make a difference in people's lives, especially your students. I am very blessed to have had you not only as a teacher but somone in my life I feel comfortable just talking to when I need someone to talk to."
It is funny that I just wrote that courageous patience blog and a few days later I got this amazing message that really confirms it all. and now...I'm crying again.
Second, I got a huge PR on my handstand walking. I screamed. I danced. Then I did a WOD.
Days like this I gotta say.... I love life!! Celebrate!
"the life/school lessons I have learned from you throughout the 6 years of knowing you...the stuff you said where I used to be like "Oh...Miss K"...is like now...damn she was right!! All this time and not only do I apply it to my life but the kids I teach (he teaches Tae Twan Do and also competes and a very high level in it himself).
"You need to realize that you are an outstanding teacher and overall amazing human being...you forever and always will touch and make a difference in people's lives, especially your students. I am very blessed to have had you not only as a teacher but somone in my life I feel comfortable just talking to when I need someone to talk to."
It is funny that I just wrote that courageous patience blog and a few days later I got this amazing message that really confirms it all. and now...I'm crying again.
Second, I got a huge PR on my handstand walking. I screamed. I danced. Then I did a WOD.
Days like this I gotta say.... I love life!! Celebrate!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Confidence
Confidence... thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live.
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
Today was my first day back to Crossfit from being sick AGAIN. Okay, Okay… it was only two days of rest but it seemed like forever. For all of your crazy crossfitters, you know what I mean. I never get sick this much! Too much stress at work and not enough sleep since I’ve been up late grading outlines. Anyway, it was a longer WOD today with lots of running, toes to bar, and box jumping. It took me at least one round to get my mojo back from being sick. At first, I started and was saying things to myself “I was just sick and I feel weak…man this is gonna be slow..etc. etc..” Then after the first round things started feeling normal again and I started to push myself. I realized today, especially in a longer WOD, how important it is to be positive. Everyone has something that works for them. For me, it is finding my calm and confidence.
Later as I was leaving the gym I began thinking about a conversation I had with one of my students just the day before about this very issue. Not Crossfit but confidence. This girl…let’s call her Sally… came to see me during my prep period to ask me a question about her project. While the biggest part of the project was the written part, the students also have to give a presentation. I really encourage them to work on presenting to prepare them for college or job interviews and future school projects. I HATED public speaking in high school and now that is all I do! Practice. Practice, Practice. Anyway, Sally was REALLY nervous about giving this speech. Unfortunately, Sally is in my chattest, roughest class. Now, when I say “roughest” I mean that kids tease each other a lot. “Rough” at my old high school meant students with tethers on their legs that were in and out of jail and/or an overcrowded class of 37 students. However, things can get pretty judgmental at our school and it is really, really sad. All of these things really made her nervous, for she was worried everyone would secretly make fun of her later and she noted that she has to spend the next 4 years with these kids.
It is often hard for new 9th graders to find their nitch because about 75 percent of them come up from the middle school and already know each other. This particular girl is quiet, innocent, and sweet so she is having a hard time finding friends. On top of these immediate worries, she expressed to me how nervous she is about college , and how she felt that her future was hanging on every assignment she completed and at any moment she could ruin it all. She questions how she would know if she was “good enough?” The way she described it really made 9th grade sound like a level in Dante’s Inferno. It broke my heart. However, I couldn’t let a teachable moment like this pass me by…she was really opening up!
The more I listened to Sally, the more I realized that I was the very same way in high school. I hadn’t really thought about this in a while, but it is true! I also went to a high school different than where my friends went, and it took me until about the middle of 10th grade to really find my set of friends. I also was really nervous about my grades in ninth grade and already thinking about college. I also didn’t have much confidence in myself. I mean, I remember crying on Valentine ’s Day because I thought no boy would ever like me. My Spanish teacher gave me a pity flower. Boy oh boy. Was this even me? This is SO different than I am today. So I began to think about my own journey to achieving this confidence.
It certainly was a journey. From Color Guard competitions, to my high school boyfriend cheating on me and thinking my life was over, to going to college, looking for my first teaching job, looking for another teaching job since I didn't like the first school I was at, following Doug around and learning Crossfit, and moving to LA and having to start over…find a new crossfit and a new job. How did I gain all of this confidence? Well, every bit along the way I gained a little more because I always pushed myself to be better even when I was scared or unsure how it would shake out. Most importantly, though, I always stayed true to myself. The reason I am the crossfitter I am today is in large a big part of the fact that I faced a HUGE fear about moving out here and starting over. Once I proved to myself that I could get a kick-ass job at a private school and find an awesome life out here…my confidence rose even more than I thought was possible, which, in turn, translated into my attitude about Crossfit and made me a true competitor.
So what did I tell Sally? I told her stories from my own 9th grade year and how I felt the same way. I also told her how proud I was that she remained true to herself and didn’t try to “fit in” with kids she didn’t exactly identify with just to be cool. In fact, I told her that this takes a TON of strength, and, if anything, she is ahead of the game!! I reassured her that the confidence would come, 9th grade was tough, to remain true to herself, and made her promise to check in with me in a few weeks. I am just praying that telling her similar stories of my own youth will help her realize that she isn’t as alone as she thinks. Wish I had more time to prepare…but really, with teaching the lesson plans you prepare hours and hours for don’t end up being the most important part.
So during the WOD tonight at the gym, I felt grateful for the confidence that I have gained over the years, not only for the benefit of my Crossfit workouts but because it has made me a better teacher, wife, and friend…..and more is to come in the next stage of my life- raising children!!
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
Today was my first day back to Crossfit from being sick AGAIN. Okay, Okay… it was only two days of rest but it seemed like forever. For all of your crazy crossfitters, you know what I mean. I never get sick this much! Too much stress at work and not enough sleep since I’ve been up late grading outlines. Anyway, it was a longer WOD today with lots of running, toes to bar, and box jumping. It took me at least one round to get my mojo back from being sick. At first, I started and was saying things to myself “I was just sick and I feel weak…man this is gonna be slow..etc. etc..” Then after the first round things started feeling normal again and I started to push myself. I realized today, especially in a longer WOD, how important it is to be positive. Everyone has something that works for them. For me, it is finding my calm and confidence.
Later as I was leaving the gym I began thinking about a conversation I had with one of my students just the day before about this very issue. Not Crossfit but confidence. This girl…let’s call her Sally… came to see me during my prep period to ask me a question about her project. While the biggest part of the project was the written part, the students also have to give a presentation. I really encourage them to work on presenting to prepare them for college or job interviews and future school projects. I HATED public speaking in high school and now that is all I do! Practice. Practice, Practice. Anyway, Sally was REALLY nervous about giving this speech. Unfortunately, Sally is in my chattest, roughest class. Now, when I say “roughest” I mean that kids tease each other a lot. “Rough” at my old high school meant students with tethers on their legs that were in and out of jail and/or an overcrowded class of 37 students. However, things can get pretty judgmental at our school and it is really, really sad. All of these things really made her nervous, for she was worried everyone would secretly make fun of her later and she noted that she has to spend the next 4 years with these kids.
It is often hard for new 9th graders to find their nitch because about 75 percent of them come up from the middle school and already know each other. This particular girl is quiet, innocent, and sweet so she is having a hard time finding friends. On top of these immediate worries, she expressed to me how nervous she is about college , and how she felt that her future was hanging on every assignment she completed and at any moment she could ruin it all. She questions how she would know if she was “good enough?” The way she described it really made 9th grade sound like a level in Dante’s Inferno. It broke my heart. However, I couldn’t let a teachable moment like this pass me by…she was really opening up!
The more I listened to Sally, the more I realized that I was the very same way in high school. I hadn’t really thought about this in a while, but it is true! I also went to a high school different than where my friends went, and it took me until about the middle of 10th grade to really find my set of friends. I also was really nervous about my grades in ninth grade and already thinking about college. I also didn’t have much confidence in myself. I mean, I remember crying on Valentine ’s Day because I thought no boy would ever like me. My Spanish teacher gave me a pity flower. Boy oh boy. Was this even me? This is SO different than I am today. So I began to think about my own journey to achieving this confidence.
It certainly was a journey. From Color Guard competitions, to my high school boyfriend cheating on me and thinking my life was over, to going to college, looking for my first teaching job, looking for another teaching job since I didn't like the first school I was at, following Doug around and learning Crossfit, and moving to LA and having to start over…find a new crossfit and a new job. How did I gain all of this confidence? Well, every bit along the way I gained a little more because I always pushed myself to be better even when I was scared or unsure how it would shake out. Most importantly, though, I always stayed true to myself. The reason I am the crossfitter I am today is in large a big part of the fact that I faced a HUGE fear about moving out here and starting over. Once I proved to myself that I could get a kick-ass job at a private school and find an awesome life out here…my confidence rose even more than I thought was possible, which, in turn, translated into my attitude about Crossfit and made me a true competitor.
So what did I tell Sally? I told her stories from my own 9th grade year and how I felt the same way. I also told her how proud I was that she remained true to herself and didn’t try to “fit in” with kids she didn’t exactly identify with just to be cool. In fact, I told her that this takes a TON of strength, and, if anything, she is ahead of the game!! I reassured her that the confidence would come, 9th grade was tough, to remain true to herself, and made her promise to check in with me in a few weeks. I am just praying that telling her similar stories of my own youth will help her realize that she isn’t as alone as she thinks. Wish I had more time to prepare…but really, with teaching the lesson plans you prepare hours and hours for don’t end up being the most important part.
So during the WOD tonight at the gym, I felt grateful for the confidence that I have gained over the years, not only for the benefit of my Crossfit workouts but because it has made me a better teacher, wife, and friend…..and more is to come in the next stage of my life- raising children!!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Strong Inspiration
So every year I give a student survey to get feedback about the class. I don't let the kids put their names on it so they can be honest. I will take notes from the surveys so I know what to keep up for next year and what to change or add. Of course, some of the things kids write are funny. For example, I won't be taking out grammar or reading from an English class:) Anyway, here one answer I read tonight while putting away my papers....maybe more to come later once I finish them.
What are this teacher's strengths?
"positive attitude, strong inspiration"
This makes me love life!!!!!!!!
Goodnight:)
What are this teacher's strengths?
"positive attitude, strong inspiration"
This makes me love life!!!!!!!!
Goodnight:)
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Courageous Patience.
"Good ideas are not adopted automatically. They must be driven into practice with courageous patience." - Hyman Rickover
Today I was frantically leaving school to try to make it to the 5 o’clock WOD, and I was feeling beaten down. It was a fight to get the kids to listen today. I felt like nothing I was saying was getting through to them, and, on top of that, a few of them didn’t have their draft of their project done. Not only does that make me sad, but this leaves me with the extra work of emailing home and tracking kids down tomorrow.
Once I got home, I saw that “Greatest Quotes” tweeted the quote above. Well, there is it folks. This was exactly what I needed to hear today before I went to the gym. I think the phrase “courageous patience” sums up teaching in a nutshell! On simple level, as a ninth grade teacher, I repeat everything I say at three times for any hope of a connection. I am not kidding you. All I DO is repeat. On a deeper level, this also reminded me about a late night coffee shop conversation with a teacher friend this past weekend while we were grading. She said brain research shows that even though the kids might not always make the connections right now, down the road it WILL connect. Even though this could take years…like even 10 years….they will be able to apply the skills we are teaching them now. AMEN!!! I smiled and went back to grading. I just gotta keep the faith. Courageous patience.
Teaching high school is hard because you never get instant gratification. One of my good friends in Michigan teaches kindergarten and the kids tell her every day how much they love her, how pretty she is, and give her gifts of love. What do I get? Complaints, gripes, angry parents, depressed kids, and high school students trying to hit on me……REALLY? I mean, I am in NO way saying teaching little kids is easy. Bless all of my friends that teach the youngsters!! I know I couldn’t do it, especially because I have heard the poop stories. Yep, lots and lots of poop. Well, I don’t have to clean up poop but it is sure easy to feel like it with high schoolers abound that don’t want to listen and suck all my energy.
However, on days that I feel like poop I always remind myself that the next day will be better! If THAT doesn’t work then I remind myself that the end of the year will be better (and not just because it is summer break ). The end of the school year is really when I start to see the growth in my students’ writing, when they reflect on the year, and when they normally write nice notes on the end of the year survey or just say thank you.
I see my students from last year around campus all the time (that is what is nice about teaching at a smaller school now). I actually had a former 9th grader tell me that he thought 10th grade wasn’t going to be too bad since I prepared him so well. This was a kid that struggled a bit and I had to push him a lot. Here he was telling me he felt prepared and excited. Boy oh Boy. This made my life!!! Can we get this on video?
This is TOTALLY the same way with Crossfit. Sometimes when I am practicing a new skill like handstand walking, I feel like so many hours go in and only a little progress comes out. This is a VERY hard skill for me to master. These were in a recent competition that a lot of my friends participated in, so it reminded me I better get to focusing on this skill (along with the millions of other things I want to be practicing, of course ). Anyway, I was worried the hard work I had put in a little while ago would have been lost, but, actually just playing around with it a little bit today felt okay. I didn’t get a PR or anything but I felt pretty composed practicing it and remembered the stuff I had learned before. Now I am excited to get back at it! Putting practice into new skills can be unsettling because you don’t always get immediate results but you gotta just keep practicing and keep believing.
More than likely on any given day, if I am feeling good about school then I might not be feeling good about Crossfit or vice versa- especially since I am always seeking to improve. However, when you do something every single day, not every single day is going to be a great teachable moment or a new PR. But we gotta keep the faith, people! Positive attitude is contagious, and it is my job to set an example for my high school students and carry that same attitude through to Crossfit training in the evening.
Don’t stop believing!!
Today I was frantically leaving school to try to make it to the 5 o’clock WOD, and I was feeling beaten down. It was a fight to get the kids to listen today. I felt like nothing I was saying was getting through to them, and, on top of that, a few of them didn’t have their draft of their project done. Not only does that make me sad, but this leaves me with the extra work of emailing home and tracking kids down tomorrow.
Once I got home, I saw that “Greatest Quotes” tweeted the quote above. Well, there is it folks. This was exactly what I needed to hear today before I went to the gym. I think the phrase “courageous patience” sums up teaching in a nutshell! On simple level, as a ninth grade teacher, I repeat everything I say at three times for any hope of a connection. I am not kidding you. All I DO is repeat. On a deeper level, this also reminded me about a late night coffee shop conversation with a teacher friend this past weekend while we were grading. She said brain research shows that even though the kids might not always make the connections right now, down the road it WILL connect. Even though this could take years…like even 10 years….they will be able to apply the skills we are teaching them now. AMEN!!! I smiled and went back to grading. I just gotta keep the faith. Courageous patience.
Teaching high school is hard because you never get instant gratification. One of my good friends in Michigan teaches kindergarten and the kids tell her every day how much they love her, how pretty she is, and give her gifts of love. What do I get? Complaints, gripes, angry parents, depressed kids, and high school students trying to hit on me……REALLY? I mean, I am in NO way saying teaching little kids is easy. Bless all of my friends that teach the youngsters!! I know I couldn’t do it, especially because I have heard the poop stories. Yep, lots and lots of poop. Well, I don’t have to clean up poop but it is sure easy to feel like it with high schoolers abound that don’t want to listen and suck all my energy.
However, on days that I feel like poop I always remind myself that the next day will be better! If THAT doesn’t work then I remind myself that the end of the year will be better (and not just because it is summer break ). The end of the school year is really when I start to see the growth in my students’ writing, when they reflect on the year, and when they normally write nice notes on the end of the year survey or just say thank you.
I see my students from last year around campus all the time (that is what is nice about teaching at a smaller school now). I actually had a former 9th grader tell me that he thought 10th grade wasn’t going to be too bad since I prepared him so well. This was a kid that struggled a bit and I had to push him a lot. Here he was telling me he felt prepared and excited. Boy oh Boy. This made my life!!! Can we get this on video?
This is TOTALLY the same way with Crossfit. Sometimes when I am practicing a new skill like handstand walking, I feel like so many hours go in and only a little progress comes out. This is a VERY hard skill for me to master. These were in a recent competition that a lot of my friends participated in, so it reminded me I better get to focusing on this skill (along with the millions of other things I want to be practicing, of course ). Anyway, I was worried the hard work I had put in a little while ago would have been lost, but, actually just playing around with it a little bit today felt okay. I didn’t get a PR or anything but I felt pretty composed practicing it and remembered the stuff I had learned before. Now I am excited to get back at it! Putting practice into new skills can be unsettling because you don’t always get immediate results but you gotta just keep practicing and keep believing.
More than likely on any given day, if I am feeling good about school then I might not be feeling good about Crossfit or vice versa- especially since I am always seeking to improve. However, when you do something every single day, not every single day is going to be a great teachable moment or a new PR. But we gotta keep the faith, people! Positive attitude is contagious, and it is my job to set an example for my high school students and carry that same attitude through to Crossfit training in the evening.
Don’t stop believing!!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
I got in the mood to write!
“If you're doing something for the right reasons, nothing can stop you.”
~We Bought a Zoo
So I normally don’t write blog posts because as an English teacher, I am spending a lot of time reading and grading my students’ work and don’t have much steam left to sit down and write anything for myself. As a disclaimer, although I am an English teacher, this may not be the most beautifully polished piece of writing in the world. I have to proofread my handouts and emails to parents like crazy…and frankly, I don’t want to do that here. I just want to express what I have learned the past few years and have some fun writing it. Actually, as I am writing this now, I should actually be grading essay tests and writing narratives for school. I’ll get back to that shortly.
Ever since AP English in high school I wanted to be an English teacher. The way my teacher brought psychology, history, science, commercials, movies, and TV into our classroom and connected those concepts to the classical literature we were reading, inspired me. As humans throughout time, we were all connected and I loved it. So I got good grades. I got into U of M. I worked damn hard, and I was going to study to be a teacher. Let’s do this.
Flashforward: Present Day. The beginning of this school year was rough for me. For the first two months of school I felt almost out of control. Going from the summer, where I get to train as much as I want to, to full time teaching again can be difficult. For me, it is much easier if I can just do one thing 110%, so then I feel like I am really doing the best that I can. So, since there were TWO really important things I wanted to be doing 110%, I was feeling very uneasy. I found myself crying, frustrated, behind, and bitter. Wait a second. This isn’t right. I love my job AND I love Crossfit. It really shouldn’t be like this. I realized this on a rational level, but emotionally, I just couldn’t get a grasp.
Now that Crossfit is getting larger and larger, more and more opportunities to compete are presenting themselves. At the beginning of the school year, I felt like I should be doing every single one of these competitions. This made me spiral down into deeper into this hole I had dug myself. For some reason the competitions weren’t exciting anymore, but rather felt like a job. I blamed teaching for this feeling. If I wasn’t teaching, I wouldn’t be tired and I would want to compete. I should WANT to do all these competitions, right? I have enjoyed them up until now. I mean, I want to get better and push myself. What has changed? Argh! I was a mess inside my head. All of this insanity just left me feeling disappointed in myself.
In November I couldn’t do the second NLI competition because I was going to be in Michigan for my best friend Laura’s wedding. For some reason, being forced to step away from Crossfit AND school for a few days was just the thing that I needed. I was around my family, friends, and most importantly the newly married, amazing couple. Life was great and I started climbing out of the hole that I had dug for myself the first two months of school.
Teaching high school children, dealing with parents, making split decisions on how to handle issues or things students say at every given moment is stressful. Coming into the gym every single night exhausted from giving, giving, giving at school yet also wanting to do my best, get a PR, or just feel good about my performance in the WOD is a lot of pressure. As much as people tease me (all in love:) ) that I get stressed, I cry a lot, or I freak out pretty easily (which is all true), I do believe that on a regular basis I can handle my shit pretty damn well, and I ain’t gonna let nothin’ get me down!!
While I was home visiting Michigan for Christmas, I trained at Hyperfit- where I first started crossfitting when it was still a newborn. My husband Jared and I went to a WOD almost every day during our two week stay in the mitten. I got some extra training in besides what was programmed into class, but not as much as usual since I had family obligations and lots of people to see while I was in town. I took all of the pressure off for just a little while. What happened? I got some PRs while at Hyperfit and also upon my return to Valley. Letting the pressure go for just a little while was EXACTLY what I needed. Now, don’t get me wrong. Pressure is a good thing, too. It often drives me and pushes me to my limits. However, I realized that I shouldn’t be pushed to my limits every damn day. On top of THAT, I shouldn’t feel GUILTY for not pushing it all the time either. All of that shit is wasted energy. I have, and always will be, a really hard worker. I make list after list of Crossfit skills or lifts that I need to work on. I make list after list at school on ways I can improve tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. I spend extra time at the gym and extra time planning for school. I won’t settle for less than my best. I know these things about myself. So why not relax and have some faith in the process and my own integrity???? Why not listen to that voice that comes on inside my head during competition that tells me that I can do it and that I believe in myself? I begin to see the light.
When I am teaching, I often make Crossfit analogies. For one, the kids all think Crossfit is really cool so they will actually listen to me. Most importantly, however, this is exactly how I am able to connect my own life to what the 9th grade students are going through themselves. I want them to experience growing and learning WITH me, not FOR me. Grades are important and all, but really, I want these kids to grow up to be a real person in this world with depth, integrity, and confidence.
I remember there was one day where I was encouraging them to make appointments with their teachers in other classes if they weren’t happy with their grade or didn’t understand something about the class. Even if they didn’t get along with that teacher or particularly like his/her teaching style, it was still THEIR responsibility to try to remedy the problem. So many of them sit there and just want to be the victim. Sure, you expect this from high school kids…but I am pushing my 9th graders to be better than that. I have to at least try!! So…here comes the crossfit analogy…..
I hate heights and rope climbing is often in Crossfit workouts and competitions. I told the kids that it would have been easy for me to avoid working on this skill because I hated it so much. However, I didn’t avoid the problem. I faced it head on even though I was really scared. (In fact, today we just did RJ at the gym which is a long hero WOD with 25 15 ft rope climbs. I did it all and I wasn’t even scared of the heights. ) I explained to my students that avoiding problems is never good, etc, etc, analogy analogy. You get the point…:)
Anyway, I realized if I was telling my students not to be victims then I can’t be one either!! Sure, I was attacking my physical weaknesses and/or skills that scared me; however, what about my mental state? The “oh poor me” attitude because I didn’t have more time to be a Crossfit competitor while also being a teacher has to stop because I don’t want to quit either one of them. Being a crossfitter and a teacher is part of my soul. It is who I am, and for me, they both are a piece to the meaning of life itself.
The beauty of Crossfit is that people leave there every day better than when they came in. Whether you are a Sally Jo, Billy Bob, Kris Clever, or Chris Spealler you walk out of that garage door with the same goods- better than when you walked in. You pushed the limits. You challenged the status quo. You left your comfort zone. How many people can say they do that on a daily basis? So then I stopped to think about the fact that I GET to do that at least TWICE a day both in the classroom and then later in the gym- but just in different ways. Damn. This is the life. Why was I fighting this so much at the beginning of the year?
What is this all really about? For me, it is always trying to improve myself. I had to face all kinds of fears when I moved to LA and left everything I knew. Leaving my comfort zone made me learn and grow in ways I never thought possible. This also makes me realize that more challenges are on their way. Sometimes I wonder how I ever will be able to have kids, teach, possibly open up my own school, do crossfit, and maintain all of the relationships in my life. However, when I start having these doubts, I remind myself that I refuse to be a victim and dig myself back into that hole. No way. The sun is going to keep me fired up for the future.
“All it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage and great things will happen. I promise.” ~We Bought a Zoo
What are you going to do with your 20 seconds today?
~We Bought a Zoo
So I normally don’t write blog posts because as an English teacher, I am spending a lot of time reading and grading my students’ work and don’t have much steam left to sit down and write anything for myself. As a disclaimer, although I am an English teacher, this may not be the most beautifully polished piece of writing in the world. I have to proofread my handouts and emails to parents like crazy…and frankly, I don’t want to do that here. I just want to express what I have learned the past few years and have some fun writing it. Actually, as I am writing this now, I should actually be grading essay tests and writing narratives for school. I’ll get back to that shortly.
Ever since AP English in high school I wanted to be an English teacher. The way my teacher brought psychology, history, science, commercials, movies, and TV into our classroom and connected those concepts to the classical literature we were reading, inspired me. As humans throughout time, we were all connected and I loved it. So I got good grades. I got into U of M. I worked damn hard, and I was going to study to be a teacher. Let’s do this.
Flashforward: Present Day. The beginning of this school year was rough for me. For the first two months of school I felt almost out of control. Going from the summer, where I get to train as much as I want to, to full time teaching again can be difficult. For me, it is much easier if I can just do one thing 110%, so then I feel like I am really doing the best that I can. So, since there were TWO really important things I wanted to be doing 110%, I was feeling very uneasy. I found myself crying, frustrated, behind, and bitter. Wait a second. This isn’t right. I love my job AND I love Crossfit. It really shouldn’t be like this. I realized this on a rational level, but emotionally, I just couldn’t get a grasp.
Now that Crossfit is getting larger and larger, more and more opportunities to compete are presenting themselves. At the beginning of the school year, I felt like I should be doing every single one of these competitions. This made me spiral down into deeper into this hole I had dug myself. For some reason the competitions weren’t exciting anymore, but rather felt like a job. I blamed teaching for this feeling. If I wasn’t teaching, I wouldn’t be tired and I would want to compete. I should WANT to do all these competitions, right? I have enjoyed them up until now. I mean, I want to get better and push myself. What has changed? Argh! I was a mess inside my head. All of this insanity just left me feeling disappointed in myself.
In November I couldn’t do the second NLI competition because I was going to be in Michigan for my best friend Laura’s wedding. For some reason, being forced to step away from Crossfit AND school for a few days was just the thing that I needed. I was around my family, friends, and most importantly the newly married, amazing couple. Life was great and I started climbing out of the hole that I had dug for myself the first two months of school.
Teaching high school children, dealing with parents, making split decisions on how to handle issues or things students say at every given moment is stressful. Coming into the gym every single night exhausted from giving, giving, giving at school yet also wanting to do my best, get a PR, or just feel good about my performance in the WOD is a lot of pressure. As much as people tease me (all in love:) ) that I get stressed, I cry a lot, or I freak out pretty easily (which is all true), I do believe that on a regular basis I can handle my shit pretty damn well, and I ain’t gonna let nothin’ get me down!!
While I was home visiting Michigan for Christmas, I trained at Hyperfit- where I first started crossfitting when it was still a newborn. My husband Jared and I went to a WOD almost every day during our two week stay in the mitten. I got some extra training in besides what was programmed into class, but not as much as usual since I had family obligations and lots of people to see while I was in town. I took all of the pressure off for just a little while. What happened? I got some PRs while at Hyperfit and also upon my return to Valley. Letting the pressure go for just a little while was EXACTLY what I needed. Now, don’t get me wrong. Pressure is a good thing, too. It often drives me and pushes me to my limits. However, I realized that I shouldn’t be pushed to my limits every damn day. On top of THAT, I shouldn’t feel GUILTY for not pushing it all the time either. All of that shit is wasted energy. I have, and always will be, a really hard worker. I make list after list of Crossfit skills or lifts that I need to work on. I make list after list at school on ways I can improve tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. I spend extra time at the gym and extra time planning for school. I won’t settle for less than my best. I know these things about myself. So why not relax and have some faith in the process and my own integrity???? Why not listen to that voice that comes on inside my head during competition that tells me that I can do it and that I believe in myself? I begin to see the light.
When I am teaching, I often make Crossfit analogies. For one, the kids all think Crossfit is really cool so they will actually listen to me. Most importantly, however, this is exactly how I am able to connect my own life to what the 9th grade students are going through themselves. I want them to experience growing and learning WITH me, not FOR me. Grades are important and all, but really, I want these kids to grow up to be a real person in this world with depth, integrity, and confidence.
I remember there was one day where I was encouraging them to make appointments with their teachers in other classes if they weren’t happy with their grade or didn’t understand something about the class. Even if they didn’t get along with that teacher or particularly like his/her teaching style, it was still THEIR responsibility to try to remedy the problem. So many of them sit there and just want to be the victim. Sure, you expect this from high school kids…but I am pushing my 9th graders to be better than that. I have to at least try!! So…here comes the crossfit analogy…..
I hate heights and rope climbing is often in Crossfit workouts and competitions. I told the kids that it would have been easy for me to avoid working on this skill because I hated it so much. However, I didn’t avoid the problem. I faced it head on even though I was really scared. (In fact, today we just did RJ at the gym which is a long hero WOD with 25 15 ft rope climbs. I did it all and I wasn’t even scared of the heights. ) I explained to my students that avoiding problems is never good, etc, etc, analogy analogy. You get the point…:)
Anyway, I realized if I was telling my students not to be victims then I can’t be one either!! Sure, I was attacking my physical weaknesses and/or skills that scared me; however, what about my mental state? The “oh poor me” attitude because I didn’t have more time to be a Crossfit competitor while also being a teacher has to stop because I don’t want to quit either one of them. Being a crossfitter and a teacher is part of my soul. It is who I am, and for me, they both are a piece to the meaning of life itself.
The beauty of Crossfit is that people leave there every day better than when they came in. Whether you are a Sally Jo, Billy Bob, Kris Clever, or Chris Spealler you walk out of that garage door with the same goods- better than when you walked in. You pushed the limits. You challenged the status quo. You left your comfort zone. How many people can say they do that on a daily basis? So then I stopped to think about the fact that I GET to do that at least TWICE a day both in the classroom and then later in the gym- but just in different ways. Damn. This is the life. Why was I fighting this so much at the beginning of the year?
What is this all really about? For me, it is always trying to improve myself. I had to face all kinds of fears when I moved to LA and left everything I knew. Leaving my comfort zone made me learn and grow in ways I never thought possible. This also makes me realize that more challenges are on their way. Sometimes I wonder how I ever will be able to have kids, teach, possibly open up my own school, do crossfit, and maintain all of the relationships in my life. However, when I start having these doubts, I remind myself that I refuse to be a victim and dig myself back into that hole. No way. The sun is going to keep me fired up for the future.
“All it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage and great things will happen. I promise.” ~We Bought a Zoo
What are you going to do with your 20 seconds today?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)