Confidence

Confidence... thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live.
~Franklin D. Roosevelt



Today was my first day back to Crossfit from being sick AGAIN. Okay, Okay… it was only two days of rest but it seemed like forever. For all of your crazy crossfitters, you know what I mean. I never get sick this much! Too much stress at work and not enough sleep since I’ve been up late grading outlines. Anyway, it was a longer WOD today with lots of running, toes to bar, and box jumping. It took me at least one round to get my mojo back from being sick. At first, I started and was saying things to myself “I was just sick and I feel weak…man this is gonna be slow..etc. etc..” Then after the first round things started feeling normal again and I started to push myself. I realized today, especially in a longer WOD, how important it is to be positive. Everyone has something that works for them. For me, it is finding my calm and confidence.

Later as I was leaving the gym I began thinking about a conversation I had with one of my students just the day before about this very issue. Not Crossfit but confidence. This girl…let’s call her Sally… came to see me during my prep period to ask me a question about her project. While the biggest part of the project was the written part, the students also have to give a presentation. I really encourage them to work on presenting to prepare them for college or job interviews and future school projects. I HATED public speaking in high school and now that is all I do! Practice. Practice, Practice. Anyway, Sally was REALLY nervous about giving this speech. Unfortunately, Sally is in my chattest, roughest class. Now, when I say “roughest” I mean that kids tease each other a lot. “Rough” at my old high school meant students with tethers on their legs that were in and out of jail and/or an overcrowded class of 37 students. However, things can get pretty judgmental at our school and it is really, really sad. All of these things really made her nervous, for she was worried everyone would secretly make fun of her later and she noted that she has to spend the next 4 years with these kids.

It is often hard for new 9th graders to find their nitch because about 75 percent of them come up from the middle school and already know each other. This particular girl is quiet, innocent, and sweet so she is having a hard time finding friends. On top of these immediate worries, she expressed to me how nervous she is about college , and how she felt that her future was hanging on every assignment she completed and at any moment she could ruin it all. She questions how she would know if she was “good enough?” The way she described it really made 9th grade sound like a level in Dante’s Inferno. It broke my heart. However, I couldn’t let a teachable moment like this pass me by…she was really opening up!

The more I listened to Sally, the more I realized that I was the very same way in high school. I hadn’t really thought about this in a while, but it is true! I also went to a high school different than where my friends went, and it took me until about the middle of 10th grade to really find my set of friends. I also was really nervous about my grades in ninth grade and already thinking about college. I also didn’t have much confidence in myself. I mean, I remember crying on Valentine ’s Day because I thought no boy would ever like me. My Spanish teacher gave me a pity flower. Boy oh boy. Was this even me? This is SO different than I am today. So I began to think about my own journey to achieving this confidence.

It certainly was a journey. From Color Guard competitions, to my high school boyfriend cheating on me and thinking my life was over, to going to college, looking for my first teaching job, looking for another teaching job since I didn't like the first school I was at, following Doug around and learning Crossfit, and moving to LA and having to start over…find a new crossfit and a new job. How did I gain all of this confidence? Well, every bit along the way I gained a little more because I always pushed myself to be better even when I was scared or unsure how it would shake out. Most importantly, though, I always stayed true to myself. The reason I am the crossfitter I am today is in large a big part of the fact that I faced a HUGE fear about moving out here and starting over. Once I proved to myself that I could get a kick-ass job at a private school and find an awesome life out here…my confidence rose even more than I thought was possible, which, in turn, translated into my attitude about Crossfit and made me a true competitor.

So what did I tell Sally? I told her stories from my own 9th grade year and how I felt the same way. I also told her how proud I was that she remained true to herself and didn’t try to “fit in” with kids she didn’t exactly identify with just to be cool. In fact, I told her that this takes a TON of strength, and, if anything, she is ahead of the game!! I reassured her that the confidence would come, 9th grade was tough, to remain true to herself, and made her promise to check in with me in a few weeks. I am just praying that telling her similar stories of my own youth will help her realize that she isn’t as alone as she thinks. Wish I had more time to prepare…but really, with teaching the lesson plans you prepare hours and hours for don’t end up being the most important part.

So during the WOD tonight at the gym, I felt grateful for the confidence that I have gained over the years, not only for the benefit of my Crossfit workouts but because it has made me a better teacher, wife, and friend…..and more is to come in the next stage of my life- raising children!!